Monday, January 30, 2012

The "black sheep" Hardy cousin who WWE did not sign...wonder why?...

Once again, I want to thank everyone that has been checking out the blog, commenting on it, and sending me ideas.  I actually checked the official stats today for the first time and was blown away by the amount of people that take time out of their lives to read my organized nonsense.  Thinking of getting some shirts made up that will have the PRO WRESTLING: Men in Tights logo on them, then the address to the blog on the back.  Contact me if you are interested in one so that I can get a headcount and sizes together.  As always, you can contact me at:

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Email:  ernieballz@hotmail.com

I figured it was about time to post another funny story from shows over the years.  There are so many of them that they kind of come and go in my memory.  For whatever reason, this one popped into my head today and made me laugh, so hopefully it will do the same for all of you.

Pretty sure that this event took place in 2004, which would have been my 2nd year in the business.  I went down to a show in Southern Ohio, Cambridge, OH to be exact.  The building was pretty cool, it was almost like a giant airport hanger that had been turned into a rec center something like that.  I actually just got to wrestle there again about a year ago for Ohio Championship Wrestling (http://www.ocwrestling.net/) and it made me laugh because of this story.

So I drove like 3.5 hours to this shitty-ass show in Cambridge, OH, where the only good part about the show was probably the building and the fact that I got paid before the show.  The crowd was small, I had no idea who any of the guys on the show were, and the promoter was a creep-ball deluxe.  This dude brought in Traci Brooks, ODB, and Christie Ricci (the wrestler, not Casper's friend), and had the three of them get into the ring and basically just play patty-cake for like 30 minutes.  It was not a match, it must have just been some footage for this monkey's spank bank or something.  It was weird either way, and I am sure the girls got paid a shit-ton of money either way.

Anyways, I get introduced to the guy that I am wrestling, and his name is "the Black Sheep" Brian Hardy.  Apparently, he was the long-lost cousin of the Hardy Boyz that the WWE was not interested in at the time.  He was not, but he thought he was.  He tried to put this over the entire day, but I was not buying it.  Let me just paint a picture for you of "the Black Sheep" Brian Hardy.  Imagine a crackhead, with a receding hairline, a bad bleaching job on the hair he has left, Joe Dirt-esc facial hair, a dirty white wife-beater, faded black cargo pants with holes in them, and all of his top teeth rotted away.  I am not shitting you, his top teeth were completely rotted away and his breath smelled like elephant shit covered in sewage.  It's no wonder the WWE was not interested in this, obvious, cousin to the great Matt and Jeff Hardy.  No member of the OMEGA roster would claim this guy.  Joey Abs would not even claim ever knowing this guy, even if he was related to the Hardys.

Having this top-tier opponent, I knew that I needed to bring my A-game to the table.  At the time, I was working a very technical type of style, so I asked "the Black Sheep" if he was any good at chain wrestling at all.  Well, being the pride and joy of Cameron, NC, of course "the Black Sheep" had no idea what chain wrestling even was.  Awesome.  The legendary Brian Hardy then said, and I quote, "I am a fucking Hardy Boy!  Don't you know what we Hardys do?  We fly!"  With this bold statement, I decided that I was just going to beat the shit out of this guy, and have a good time in the process.

I am standing in the back thinking of what I should do during this barn-burner of a match that I am about to have with this future hall-of-famer, and I decide that I am going to cut a promo before my match.  This promo ended up being a turning point in my entire wrestling career, because I found out this night that I was actually REALLY good on the mic.  I went out to the ring and just ripped the entire town apart up one end and down the other.  Well, of course, this helped the magnificent, not at all lying, "Black Sheep" Brian Hardy get an amazing reaction when he walked to the ring like he had a turtle-head poking out.

This is the moment, my match with this amazing competitor had finally began.  The bell rang (which was actually someone slamming a wrench against the ringpost) and Brian Hardy did nothing.  He looked at me like a deer in headlights.  So I speared him, punched him, kicked him, until finally, he gave me a not-at-all shitty excuse for a Twist of Fate, and when up top to hit his ever-famous Swanton Bomb.  "The Black Sheep" tried to jump off the ropes, but ended up falling on his head instead. I rolled him up and pinned him, 1-2-3.  Match of my career people.

Now, Dumbass McGee is laying in the middle of the ring because he landed on his damn head, because he fell off the fucking top rope.  What an idiot.  Matt and Jeff were probably crying in their sleep for weeks over this.  The ambulance finally came and took this stinky, un-coordinated bastard to the emergency room.

I am ready to leave.  It's the end of the show, ODB & Traci Brooks both gave me a kiss on the cheek, I have my money, let's roll.  We are walking around saying goodbye to everyone, and what do you know, like a heroic knight in slightly dirty, smelly-ass armor, here comes the great Brian Hardy walking back into the building.  The guy does not even hesitate, he comes after me and attacks me in front of whatever crowd is left in there.  I thought he was joking around at first, but apparently he blamed me for making him fall off the top rope for some reason.  Basically, I popped the guy a couple times, pushed him down, and got the fuck out of Dodge.

Never worked for the place ever again.  Never saw the "Black Sheep" of the Hardy family ever again.  All I know is, I cannot wait for the Hardy Boyz to get inducted into the Hall-of-Fame, because I bet good-ole' Vince already has it booked for the "Black Sheep" to be right there with Matt and Jeff when they are.

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